Why I Flew to Germany to See a Friend I Hadn't Seen in 40 Years

Forty years. That's how long it had been since I last saw my childhood friend Jan Kahlcke — since high school, before either of us had careers, spouses, or kids of our own.

Through the years, friends may come and go, but sometimes you meet someone who leaves a big impression on you. Despite a strong connection, life gets in the way, and you lose touch. But the friend never fully leaves your thoughts or your heart. You often wonder what it would be like to reconnect after all those years.

Jan was that friend for me. He lived in the small German town where my mom grew up, and I met him as a school-aged boy when my family traveled from California to visit. We bonded almost instantly, playing in the neighborhood during that trip, the way kids do when they don't yet know that distance and time will eventually get in the way. But with him hours from the nearest airport in Germany, and me building a life in California, the years slipped by. High school was the last time I saw him.

Then, in February 2022, I had an idea.

My wife and I were already planning a last-minute trip to Florence, Italy, to see our youngest daughter while she studied abroad — timed so our older daughter, working a teaching internship in Thailand, could fly in and meet us for the week too. While mapping out the itinerary, it hit me: this was my chance. I could route us through Germany to finally see Jan, along with my cousin Thorge, who also lived in the area.

Could I actually make this happen? Between two demanding jobs, COVID-era travel restrictions, and a trip that was already coming together fast, the logistics weren't simple. But I was on a mission — I knew exactly how rewarding it would be to finally bring our families together, so I found a way to make it work. I reached out to Thorge first, who helped me get in touch with Jan through an Instagram message, and from there we worked out the details together — flights, a train from Hamburg, and two nights that became one so we could see a bit more of Germany while we were there, knowing our daughters might not be back on this side of the world again anytime soon.

The trip itself had its share of memorable detours — including a missed train that turned into a taxi ride down the Autobahn at over 100 miles an hour, with my wife and daughters blissfully asleep in the back seat, no idea how fast we were going.

But the moment that stayed with me most was arriving at Jan's. He and his wife had planned a full traditional dinner — schnitzel, bratwurst, potatoes, vegetables — and made sure every bit of it was gluten-free, down to a homemade Schwarzwälder Kirschtorte, because they remembered my wife and daughter are sensitive to gluten. Forty years apart, and they'd still thought of that detail. It told me everything about the kind of friendship this had always been.

The next day, we walked together through my mom's old neighborhood, visited Jan's mother nearby, and met his daughter's horse at the stable. I brought old childhood photos to share. My cousin Thorge joined us for the visit and later drove us back to Hamburg before we continued on to Berlin. By the end, it wasn't just Jan and me reconnected — our whole families were, following each other on Instagram, Facebook, and WhatsApp, kids included.

What struck me most is how little the forty years actually mattered once we were face to face. It was as if no time had passed at all.

Flying to Germany and meeting up with Jan, pictured far left, and my cousin Thorge pictured far right, was one of the best new memories we created together.

I've since shared this story many times, and my wife Cher shared it with Dr. Angela Williamson when she was a guest on her PBS show Everybody. Dr. Williamson told Cher that it was one of the stories that stuck with her most. I think that's because it captures something simple but easy to forget that reaching out after a long silence feels like a much bigger leap than it actually is. It took some planning and real effort to make that detour to Germany happen, but the friendship itself needed none of that — it picked up exactly where it left off.

If reconnecting after forty years is possible, whatever gap you're sitting with — a year, a few years, a lost decade — is probably smaller than it feels. The hardest part is rarely the reunion. It's deciding to reach out in the first place. For more inspiration on how to boost your social health, check out Cher's newest release, Your Social Connection Guidebook. You can purchase it here.