Never too late to meet your neighbors

It's National Good Neighbor Day today, September 28, and a great reminder to reach out to our neighbors. Studies show that having good relationships with those around us can boost our happiness, and that includes our neighbors! And it doesn't matter how long you have lived in the neighborhood as you will read below. Don't let time stop you from making a new connection.

Back in 2011, when we were planning our move from Arizona to Orange County, I pictured sharing margaritas with new neighbors on the porch, getting invited to Bunko nights, and catching up at the mailbox. That's the neighborhood we were leaving behind in Arizona. We had a neighborhood directory, monthly Bunko nights, block parties twice a year, and a get-together anytime someone moved in or had a big birthday. Looking back, I'm grateful for that. I know now that not every neighborhood in America works that way.

But our family was in a different place emotionally when we arrived in Orange County. We'd just been through one of the hardest stretches of our lives, and it colored the way we looked at everything, including the idea of reaching out to people we didn't know yet. All we really had the capacity for was retreating home and healing.

Eighteen months later, we were happy and settled, and life felt like routine again — in a good way. I'd gotten to know a few neighbors along the way, mostly through my daughters' friendships or the families right next door. But others, like the couple across the street, we'd never really connected with. We'd wave, say hello, and that was it — nothing like the friendship my daughter had with their son, or the one they had hosting gatherings at their own home. My husband and I, meanwhile, were mostly cocooning at home on weekends.

It's never too late

That changed when we were invited to their wedding shower, hosted at another neighbor's home we already knew well. I felt a little awkward walking in, given how little we'd connected to that point,  but that couple couldn't have been more welcoming. The following weekend, they stopped by with a thank-you note for our gift, and we ended up talking for a long while, getting to know them even better. I liked them a lot and felt a little sorry it had taken so long. But it confirmed something for me: it's genuinely never too late

to get to know your neighbors. That experience sparked something — I started talking about hosting a neighborhood potluck that summer, and a few of the neighbors I'd met at the shower seemed genuinely on board.

We can learn from Mr. Rogers of Mr. Rogers Neighborhood show, and show more kindness and empathy to our neighbors and those we encounter along our life's journey.

What's different now

That was years ago, but the lesson stuck, and I've kept applying it since. This past year we got new neighbors across the street. It was a married couple with a teenage daughter, and I made a point not to wait as long to say hello as I did when we first moved to our neighborhood.  I brought them baked goods when they were moving in, and now, whenever I bake, I bring over a small batch.

They returned the favor, bringing us treats during their Indian holiday and at Christmas. I told them since we work from home, if their daughter ever needed to use our phone or just needed a safe place to be, our door was open.

We got to know each other, and they turned out to be some of the sweetest, most wonderful people and just as open to connecting as we were. Not long after, the neighbors next to us, who we already knew well, invited all of us, plus another couple from the neighborhood, over for a casual dinner. It was one of the best evenings we've had with our neighbors since moving in years before.

Plan ways to connect that work for your neighborhood

Just because we don't have a built-in structure for meeting neighbors like the one I grew up around or the one we moved to when our girls were little, it doesn't mean we can't build our own version of it wherever we live now. If you're not sure where to start, sharing something of yourself is a great entry point: if you garden, bring over some of your harvest; if you bake, share a batch; even a photo or a small piece of your life works. It gives people something real to respond to, and everything counts including a brief chat at the mailbox.

Apps like Nextdoor.com have become a modern, low-effort way to start a conversation if a face-to-face moment hasn't happened yet. Outside of extreme cases, knowing your neighbors on some level makes us happier and more connected to the world around us. In my opinion, that's always worth the small effort it takes.

For more ways to feel more happily connected with others, read our other posts at www.cherknebel.com/blog.